It is when I close my eyes that I caught a glimpse of you; a silhouette if you may call it. You are busy doing what you do. You are distant, and far as it may be possible that you noticed that I was there or even aware of my existence. You were in my subconscious yet you were real. I have noticed you as I wandered through my vivid dreams. You are always there but I didn’t know you. I wanted to pursue you, to ran over to your side of drowsy clouds and evening stars; to venture in your own time and space. Was it raining there? I could see you looking out your window, watching the drops fell into the ground. The smell of rain and the sound of drizzle falling on the roof. It was all fascinating for you and I was mesmerized as I watch you being pleased with what you see.
I wish it was always like this, that you are always like this; Carefree, blissful and at peace. I want to call out for you. My heart swells in my longing to know you. It is as if you were recognized; an old acquaintance, a seemingly long lost aspiration. I feel like I have known you for a long time and my heart beats fast as it recounts the moments that it endured to find you. You were a memory and I cannot seem to know when. But my heart was restless, it craves to be with you so I tried to call you out but I didn’t know your name. And sure enough, you didn’t turn back. For your heart only responds to whom who knows your real name. It echoes only to the right tune for it preserves the right rhythm and lyrics for her true Composer.
I was saddened by my attempts. I wanted to come near your thresholds, to get your attention and let you see that my heart longs for you. But what would happen if I do so? You were enjoying the scenery. The least I could do is to rob you off on the pleasantries. The clock ticks and it was time to go. You are in my dream or am I on yours? I cannot leave you, I refuse to. I was stubborn, strong and ready to resist. But a voice in my heart told me “peace my son, it wasn’t time yet.”
It was trembling that voice, so firm and so calm. It was that voice of which I think I have figured it all out. It wasn’t a memory of past but a vision of future. We were not intwined by a thread of fate but knitted by the mere hands of Creator. And our strings are meant to be locked and stitched upon His masterpiece. He was the one who binds, that voice. The one who was missing, the memory or perhaps the main piece itself, we were just condiments, a supplementary piece. He was the composer and I must learn to know His music. And as I learn to live the words of His song, so i must also learn to tune to the rhythm. It was not easy. But when I am ready to sing out His melody, it would be worth to know that she will finally recognize it and thus our hearts would harmonize upon the rhythms and lyrics of His song. It would be a lovely piece, a story depicting how will it going to be.
But for now, I realize how unprepared I was for this moment. I walked back slowly away from you. Your face vanishing to my memory. Your grace and innocence, everything you are were now begone. I cannot remember what you look like but there was this confidence in my heart that when we see each other again, I will recognize you. In the right time, in the right place and in the right condition of our hearts. We will again meet at our predestined rendezvous.
“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” – Song of Songs 8:4
The Fourth Watch 