I find it very amusing to rummage my old notes and scribbles, reread them all and then rate each one through my shame meter scale of 1-10. I know what you’re thinking, but as a writer, there are instances when I feel not so impressed with my works especially those teen-age years of mine when I felt like I am a romanticist writing His best-selling work but then I looked at it now and all I could do was face-palmed myself.
To tell you the whole story, I was just looking for old magazines and newspapers for my research/project. (It’s actually kind of both so I do not know how to distinguish it.) And it’s finals week. (1st Semester in the Philippines ends up during October in most college except those few that has transitioned to September just recently) So surely, you do get what I am into now.
But as I rummage through several papers and periodicals, I was reminded of my notes that I have made a few years ago. (Coming to know Jesus makes your years seem like a decade, a history long past)
I decided to look upon it and there, I found this very note that I have written during the first year that I truly felt and encountered the Lord. And it dated back from my final exams as well.
I read it and somehow, I was reminded of so many things, not just of my current circumstance as a college student who is expectant and hopeful for the end of the semester but as a man who needs to be reminded of the truth more often than to be instructed with new teachings.
So here it is. (This note is unedited and dated so please bear if there are corrections both in grammar and context)
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(My Tonight’s Devotion)
Tonight, I was just reminded by God on my devotion. The hustle and bustle of the month really did caught my attention. The pressures of papers, researches, plates and projects needed to be finished and passed, the anxiety that whenever an exam is coming and I had to be ready, all the impending works I was about to do that somehow managed to get piled up and now everything seems to be overwhelming for a single student like me. I was too lost, too tired. I feel like I wanted to just throw all those things away. But then I saw my bible lying on the table top as if it’s waiting for me to open it. I opened it, It was on the book of Nehemiah where I was reminded by God. It speaks of the time when Nehemiah gather the people of Israel to rebuild the walls of their kingdom. The job was too much for a very few people since the Israelites were scattered right after the divided kingdom was conquered by Nebuchadnezzar the Chaldean and Artaxerxes, the Persian. Some were exiled and only few remained on the country. The odds were not on their favor as well because they encountered a lot of opposition and threat on their plan. It was merely impossible to be done but what I was amazed is how Nehemiah responded to it. He is a man of action. But the first thing he did was to seek God and ask for His grace. What comes next were a series of challenges but He always had a plan. What made him succesful was not how brilliant or ingenious he was but how he always stop whenever things come in their way and asked God for wisdom. In the end the wall was built for only 52 days. The threats they received did not prosper and the wall still standing up to this time.
God made me forget everything that’s been running through my mind. The worries, the anxiety, every bit of things need to get accomplished. What he wants me to do first is to focus on Him. If I wanted to get any job done well, I need His help. His grace is always available. It just takes a humble heart to realize that no matter how good we are, we cannot do it on our own. God reminded me of what Humility is all about. I war reminded on how complacent I was. That at these point of time, I’m just focusing to finish all my works whereas He wants not just a job done, but a job well done. I was rebuked tonight. I haven’t realized how circumstances got the best of me instead of me getting the best out of it and it’s wearing me out until now.
It’s funny but I think God shook me up tonight. That he wants me to put my dependence back on him. It’s just amazing how God never let his children stray out. So I put everything aside, bowed my head and I prayed. I may woke up tomorrow and find my works still there but at least I knew that somehow, I get tired but God always sustains me. I might continue working after this but now with a bold determination. That I wasn’t doing this for myself but for God. And that would put a lot effort than I used to give before. He deserved nothing but the best.
You may experiencing the same way right now. My advice is to stop whatever you are doing and pray. It’s the most important thing to do and I swear you would feel re-energized like I do. It’s not my usual hobby to share my devotion. In fact, I tend to be a private person and I like keeping things on my own but somehow, I felt like I’m being compelled to. I hope it’ll be useful for you.
The Fourth Watch 